Always Him
by nodistancelefttorun
Summary: Oneshot, Klaine endgame but brief Kadam relationship. Basically how I want the canon Kadam storyline to go, so there will be Kadam interaction in this fic.


A/N: This is basically how I want the Kadam storyline to play out. *u* There's Kadam interaction but it's a Klaine fic at heart.

* * *

For the first time since breaking up with Blaine, Kurt could honestly say he was happy.

The first few months had been rough, constantly battling impulses to fly to Lima and scream at Blaine for doing what he did, but also feeling the heavy guilt of knowing he held some responsibility for the break-up as well. Blaine wasn't the bad guy, not really. They had both screwed up. There was a lot to process and a lot to think about, so they spent a fair time apart, not communicating at all, except for when they missed each other _really_ badly and Kurt asked Rachel to call one of the kids at McKinley to hear how Blaine was doing, and Blaine begged Rachel to at least tell him if Kurt was starting to feel better.

What Kurt missed the most was not necessarily holding and kissing and making love to Blaine, although he _did _miss those parts an awful lot too. The worst thing about the break-up was that he had lost his best friend.

He would end a successful day at Vogue and he'd start tapping out Blaine's number on his phone to share the good news, only to realize he wasn't supposed to be going to Blaine for that any longer. It was painful and difficult, but no matter how much Kurt missed those little things, he still couldn't take Blaine back, so they finally decided to remain friends over a very choked-up phone call late one night. That was the first step to mending Kurt's heart. Suddenly he didn't have to shove his phone into his pocket every time he wanted to tell Blaine something. At first they set up a schedule for weekly phone calls, every Tuesday and Saturday, but they silently came to a mutual agreement that spontaneous texts were okay but that they should stick to the scheduled phone calls.

A few weeks after that, Kurt met Adam. He was the leader of the Glee Club at NYADA, and they clicked instantly. They shared several interests, he was sweet and polite and _very _good-looking and Kurt knew he couldn't stay miserable as he was missing what he used to have with Blaine, so he shyly flirted back. Adam was the first one to really make a move, asking if he wanted to grab some coffee in that adorable accent of his. Kurt said yes without hesitating.

The first date was lovely. Adam opened the door for him and smiled sweetly over the brim of his cup when they sat facing each other at a table.

There was a sharp sting in Kurt's heart at first as he for a second flashed back to all the moments he and Blaine had spent like this, drinking coffee and smiling at each other, playing footsie under the table until one of them couldn't hold back anymore and leaned forward for a kiss.

But Adam was so patient, so sweet. He knew about the break-up since the start and assured Kurt that they could break it off if he felt like it was too soon, but Kurt shyly shook his head.

He really did like Adam, and although he may not have felt the sparks he felt for Blaine the first time they met, maybe this could go somewhere. It was _good_ that he wasn't like Blaine because that would have hurt too much. Adam was a fresh wave of air, cleansing out the horrible feelings Kurt had been wrestling with for the past few months. He took him out to movies and introduced him too new restaurants that quickly became Kurt's favorites, he let Kurt set the pace of the relationship and didn't complain a single time about the lack of kisses even into the third week of dating each other. When Kurt eventually pressed a shy, feather-light kiss to his lips at the end of a particularly sweet date one night, he had this lovely smile on his face that made Kurt's heart flutter. He fell asleep smiling that night and not once did he wake up from a nightmare featuring the faceless guy who had torn his previous relationship apart.

At first he felt guilty about moving on because he knew Blaine hadn't. But, during one of their scheduled phone calls, Kurt finally told Blaine everything and, although he could _feel_ Blaine's pain through the cellphone, Blaine told him he just wanted Kurt to be happy and if Adam made him happy, then so be it.

Kurt and Adam had dated for two months when, one day, Rachel came running into the apartment and loudly announced that they were going to Lima for the Will and Emma wedding.  
Kurt and Adam were currently lying on the couch watching bad television series, Adam's arms wrapped around Kurt's waist and his face nuzzled into his neck.  
"Rachel, please keep it down," Kurt said, rubbing his face tiredly. "We were taking a nap."  
"Did you not hear me, Kurt?" she asked, completely unfazed by their position as she stormed off to the kitchen and started putting groceries into the small refrigerator.

"All the Glee kids are going to be there!" she shouted from the kitchen, "It was so long since we saw them! I called Mercedes and she says she and Puck are coming, and Quinn–"  
"I'm sorry for this," Kurt mumbled, tuning out Rachel's voice like usual. "You know what she's like."  
Adam shrugged and stretched out his legs and arms, yawning. "It's fine, Kurt. You probably need to plan the trip and I should get going, anyway."

Kurt nodded and sat up, helping Adam up as well. "I'll see you Friday, then?" he said as he walked Adam over to the door.

"Yeah, absolutely." Adam leaned in for a quick kiss and then waved Rachel goodbye.  
"Wait!" she cried, and he froze in the doorway. "Why don't you come with us?" she asked, her eyes glittering with excitement. "I'm taking Brody as my plus one but Kurt doesn't have one, so–"

"Rachel," Kurt hissed, glaring at her. "You can't just–"  
"That would be lovely," Adam said, apparently not hearing Kurt's protests. "Is that... okay with you, Kurt?"

Kurt turned to him, wide-eyed. "Oh... yeah. Of course."

Adam smiled. "Great. But I really need to head home now, babe. I'll text you later." He smiled and then jogged down the stairs. Kurt shut the door behind him and turned to glare at Rachel.

"What were you thinking?" he hissed, going into the kitchen and staring her down. She shrugged and avoided his glare as she kept emptying her grocery bags.

"What do you think Blaine will say when I show up with another guy?" Kurt asked. He could feel his heart thundering in his chest. "He'll be so hurt, Rach, I can't do that to him. I have to–"

"Kurt," Rachel interrupted her, fiercer than usual, "you broke up _months_ ago. You told him about Adam and it would only look suspicious if you didn't bring your new boyfriend to this important event. You and Blaine are just friends and you need to start acting like it. You can't tiptoe around the fact that you've moved on. I was just giving you a push in the right direction."  
"But–"  
"_No_," Rachel said firmly, "Adam is coming. Besides, _I've _moved on with Brody and I couldn't be happier. You need to put yourself before Blaine, honey."

Kurt shook his head sadly. "I know. I _know_ it's the sensible thing to do. But I hate seeing him hurt."

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe he's fine with it. He wants you to be happy, you know."  
And that was the end of the conversation. She smoothly steered the topic over to audition songs for some Broadway production she was going to try out for, and Kurt was thereby trapped in her claws for another hour rehearsing songs back and forth with her. When he finally retreated back to his room, he found he had a new text from Blaine.

(17:16)

_You're coming here for the wedding, right? I can't wait to see you. I've missed you._

The way his heart sped up and his skin started to tingle at the thought of seeing Blaine made him cringe.

He wasn't supposed to still feel this way about Blaine. He shouldn't, especially since Adam was going to be his date to the wedding. He really liked Adam and he would never want to hurt him, and Blaine and him were friends. _Just friends._ That's all they were right now and maybe they would never be anything more than that. Kurt knew that and he had accepted that. He had definitely accepted that.

(17:28)

_Of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world._

(17:28)

_Rachel and I are driving down next Friday._

(17:29)

_I miss you too._

He groaned at his own stupidity and pointedly turned off his phone and stuffed it under his pillow before flopping down on the bed, face first.

He had never felt so torn.

"Hey, Kurt," came Adam's familiar voice through the phone.

"Adam! Hi! I'll be right over, I just have to get dressed and–" Kurt rambled, almost tripping over his jeans that were tangled snugly around his knees in his hurry to pull on his clothes.  
"Don't bother, I'm outside your apartment," Adam said lightly. Kurt froze mid-movement, bent over with his fingers trying to tug up his jeans. There was an undertone to Adam's voice that made Kurt uncomfortable. He didn't sound like himself. Was something wrong?

"...Oh. I thought we were going out," he said uncertainly, moving much slower as he finally buttoned the pants and went on to pull on socks.

"I think we need to talk," Adam said softly. "Can you let me in?"  
Kurt cleared his throat, willing himself not to panic. His mind was racing, each explanation for Adam's uncharacteristic behavior crazier than the first – maybe he's sick and he's come to tell Kurt that he's dying, or maybe he's read Kurt's mind and knows how conflicted he is about bringing him to Lima, or maybe–  
"Um, of course, I'll buzz you in right now," he said and made his way out of his room to the front door. Rachel was locked up in the bathroom preparing herself for a date with Brody. Kurt had never been more grateful for her absence. This was going to be stressful enough.

He let Adam in and waited anxiously by the door, tugging at his clothes to make sure they hung just right and shifting his weight between his feet every other second. Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Kurt steeled himself for a quick moment before sliding the door open and revealing a cute-looking Adam.

"Hi," Kurt said, leaning in for a quick kiss.

Adam nodded and smiled back, slipping into the apartment and toeing off his shoes.

"So... we needed to talk?" Kurt said awkwardly, glancing at his boyfriend's profile to try and decipher why he was here.

"Yeah, I think we do," Adam said and, with a gentle hand on Kurt's lower back, guided him over to the couch in the living room. "So, about next weekend..."  
Kurt's eyes widened in fright. "Oh gosh, you don't want to come? Oh my god, I'm so sorry..."

"No, no, it's not that," Adam said quickly, moving to hold Kurt's hands between his own. "It's seems fun and I would love to meet all your friends, but..."

"But?" Kurt asked quietly, holding his breath as he watched Adam pause for a few moments to find the right words.

Finally he sighed and squeezed Kurt's hands.  
"Promise me you won't get mad at me," he said, looking deep into Kurt's eyes.  
"You're scaring me," Kurt mumbled, flicking his gaze down to his lap.  
"Kurt, please."

Kurt looked back up and swallowed roughly. "Okay."

Adam nodded in satisfaction.  
"Okay, so... I won't come with you to Lima," he said, still holding Kurt's gaze.  
"Okay..." Kurt said slowly, quirking an eyebrow in question. "Why, exactly?"  
Adam took a deep breath and squeezed Kurt's hands a little tighter, almost to reassure them both. "Because I think you're still in love with your ex."

Kurt pulled his hands away as though he'd been electrified.  
"What?" he shrieked, jumping to his feet and staring at his boyfriend in shock.

"Kurt, please, sit," Adam begged, trying to reach for him.

"I'm not– I'm not in love with–"

"But you are," Adam insisted, "I saw how you reacted when Rachel asked me to come with you. And you always smile whenever he texts you and you talk about him like..." Adam swallowed and finally looked away from Kurt's eyes. "It just seems like you care a lot about him."  
"Of course I do, but I'm not in love with him."

"Maybe not, but I think you're confused," Adam said.  
"I'm perfectly capable of knowing how I feel, thank you very much!" Kurt snapped. It was wrong of him to snap at Adam, but he was just so confused and so scared, he couldn't help himself.  
Adam succeeded in tugging Kurt back down on the couch next to him.

"I want you to be happy, Kurt," he said bluntly, and suddenly Kurt could feel tears stinging in his eyes. "I really care about you and I think you would be happier if you figured out how you feel about him... and me."

A single tear rolled down Kurt's cheek and Adam gently wiped it away. "I'm so sorry," Kurt sobbed, burying his face in his hands.  
"Hey, no," Adam said, shifting closer and tugging Kurt into his arms. "It's better to find out now than in a year or two. And we can still be friends, right?"

Kurt nodded shakily, reaching for Adam's hand.  
"I am _so_ sorry," he whispered. He did have feelings for Blaine. Of course he did. Apparently Adam had seen it before Kurt had.

"We just dated for a weeks, we were hardly engaged," Adam comforted him.  
"I just feel so guilty..." Kurt sniffled.

"Well, don't," Adam said, looking him in the eyes, "we'll still be great friends and I'll still show you all the great places of New York that you have somehow neglected to see despite having been here for a year." Adam nudged him playfully.

Kurt chuckled tearfully.

"Thank you," he said softly, smiling wetly. "You are amazing."

"Same goes for you," Adam insisted. They looked at each other for a few moments before Adam got to his feet.  
"I should go," he said. Kurt nodded numbly.

"But really, I'm fine, Kurt," he said, as they walked over to the door. "Don't worry about me."

Kurt nodded and attempted a small smile. Adam was so nice, it _hurt_.

He hesitated for a second before leaning over to press a kiss to Kurt's forehead. Kurt closed his eyes and sighed; whether it was with relief or regret, he didn't know.

"I'll see you when you guys get back to New York, okay?" Adam said, backing out of the door.

"Absolutely," Kurt said, toying with the hem of his shirt.

"Tell Blaine hi from me," Adam said, smiling like he had done the first time they met, with that spark in his eyes that was just _Adam_. Kurt barely had time to reply before he was gone. He could hear Adam whistling as he made his way down the staircase, and then the closing of a door.

Kurt closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. It felt like he had been frozen by the door, completely unable to move, just staring blankly at the door that his boyfriend had just walked out of. Well, ex-boyfriend was probably a more accurate title now, he supposed.

Curiously enough, he didn't feel like crying anymore. He just wanted to call Blaine and tell him everything, but he knew it would be better to save it for when they were face to face. He went back into his bed room and kneeled before his chest of drawers, pulling out a small box and taking it over with him to the bed. He sat down on the bed, cross legged with his gaze fixated on the box in his lap. He hadn't seen it ever since he broke up with Blaine. His heart was lodged in his throat and his breaths came out erratic and throaty.  
He was still deep in thought when Rachel emerged from the bathroom, dressed in a lovely pale blue dress and her hair tied up in a ponytail, a stack of clothes slung over her arm.

"Hi!" she exclaimed, smiling broadly as she moved to turn around and go put her towel in the laundry basket. She froze mid-step as she finally saw the expression on his face; a mix between confusion, relief and pain.

"Honey, are you okay? What's the matter?" she asked, concerned, as she stepped closer to the bed and worriedly cupped his cheek.

He smiled weakly.

"Adam and I broke up."  
Her eyes widened in shock. "_What? _Why?"

His gaze flicked away from hers and landed on the box in front of him. He flipped it open and took out the worn ring that lay hidden inside, made out of gum wrappers and complete with a gold and red bowtie.

He slid it onto his finger and finally looked up at Rachel, tears shining in his eyes. He spread his fingers out for her to see clearly, and he could see the exact moment she realized; it was like a light switching on in her head.

"You're still in love with Blaine," she whispered, eyes wide and glassed over.

He nodded, smiling softly to himself as he admired the ring on his finger. He looked back up at her, and she could feel the love radiating from his eyes.

"It was always him, Rach. Always."


End file.
